Barbara McAllister Hayes - Obituary

ur noble-hearted, smart, and unwittingly valiant mother, Barbara M. Hayes (née Barbara Cecelia McAllister), eased away from this life in her own bed on June 18, 2025 surrounded by friendship, safety, and good vibes. She had been ailing and nearly unable to speak for some time, yet—a sugar-hound to the end—her mostly quiet exit was occasionally punctuated by sudden, hilariously clear requests for “ice-cream” or “a Coke.” She got everything she asked for, and plenty more. Born in a working-class area of Jersey City on September 15, 1938 to her late parents, Flo and Bob, she grew to be a spritely, wide-eyed beauty: a brunette miniature Ingrid Bergman. She married our dad in 1957, and they both attended Washington Teacher’s College, yet she put her own studies on hold to help her husband John to get his master’s degree in education. Ultimately, “Bobbi,” as her parents and sister called her, received much more of an education than she’d ever bargained for and became a fulltime teacher in her own way: she had three wildly different daughters. Our mother was as low-key as she was steadfast and goal oriented. She ran herself ragged to make sure that we always had riding lessons, music lessons, softball teams, swimming, slumber parties, brownies, time with friends and also taught Sunday school. She guided us during our crises (three girls: there were crises), baked our birthday cakes and gazillions of Christmas cookies. She loved staying up late and getting silly watching Creature Feature—and she made great popcorn. In her younger years, she collected and devoured poetry. She was also handy at crafting, had a sweet singing voice, and drew and painted well. She enjoyed people, loved to go to thrift stores (always on the lookout for “wolf” sweatshirts), and had a solid sense of humor. She loved all kinds of music, patiently letting her daughter Heather listen ad nauseam to her Tom Lehrer records. She was a great listener, a faithful and supportive friend, she loved animals and had many through the years. She enjoyed spending time with her dogs and watching her favorite shows The Waltons and Little House on the Prairie. Her faith was also very important to her. She always had time for people, even if it put her behind schedule. From the ancient ex-con who’d clamber up our back stairs to hawk dodgy vegetables, to her friends from church, to random strangers, she always gave of herself to people and had the supremely underrated ability to put herself in another’s shoes, and to give them the benefit of the doubt. Always patient, always supportive, unfailingly sympathetic. She lived in her house in Davidsonville for 52 years until she went to an Assisted Living house in Severna Park where she spent the last 1.5 years. Barbara was small of stature, but she was uncannily strong. She beat cancer twice. She battled multiple health issues in the last six months and pulled through them all when no one expected her to. We gave her the nickname “Mighty Mouse/Mighty Mom”. She had made new friends with lovely ladies she met at her Assisted Living house who helped look out for her. She had wonderful caregivers who were there to watch over her from the time she got there until the very end. She leaves in her wake three daughters who miss her, who hope to be as strong as she was, and who will always remember her when she was still able to be herself: fun and funny, articulate, hanging around the dining table laughing and talking with family or friends. Barbara was preceded in death by her devoted husband of 63 years, John H. Hayes. She is survived by her daughters, Heather Hayes (Salvador Constans), Allison Reigle (Frank) and Erin Rauth (Paul); her grandson, Cameron Reigle; her sister, Lynn Pallotta and her nephew, Neil Pallotta. The family will be having a private Celebration of Life. Condolences may be made by using the Memories tab on this page.